Back at school

Being back at school is....refreshing, actually. At least if I'm snowed in up here, i'll be surrounded by my best friends. I love my family to death but they were driving me a little nuts. The first week has gone smoothly. Going from waking up at 7*40 everyday to make it to my 8 oclock classes 5 days a week, to having 11/1 oclock classes everyday is sweet justice. I am soooo ready for Summer!
I am trying to plan many trips. In March I am planning to see Alkaline Trio. Angels And Airwaves tours this year sometime in the spring. Me and my friend are trying to plan a trip to Area 51. Heres what I've done over the weekend...study aliens. I blame it on my inability to leave my house and it was a good distraction from a girl. Speaking of said girl....
I feel like there is still so much of a connection between us. Friday night me and a few other kids hung out at Abbys house. It's not weird between us or anything when were together. It started to snow really bad YET AGAIN so we all had to flee back to our little homes or else risk the threat of dying on the way home via car accident. I rode up with my best friend, so it is about 11 oclock and we are outside getting ready to leave. Ray is terrified of driving home in the snow seeing as shes never done it. I semi-seriously but semi-jokingly ask her if shed like me to ride with her so she doesnt freak out. She looks at me and is like actually, could you? Then shes like no nvm you should ride with Tim (best friend). I'm like Ray if you seriously want me to I will. So I do. Immediately in the car she grabs my wrist and squeezes it tightly for like 5 whole minutes, I lost feeling in my hand (ok...exaggeration haha). And then she lets go and holds her hand idly in the air while she steers with her left one, and usually this is where I'd grab it to hold. I was debating whether or not I should....and I chose no. That night when she got home she texted me and the texts were just like exactly what they used to be as far as flirty and lovey dovey and whatever else. I dunno...it feels we haven't missed a beat. But at the same time there is a huge chunk of....just like a big hole in our relationship. Heres my thinking right now. She leaves for good in early June, so I'm not expecting anything of our relationship. So whatever happens, happens. I think thats a good mindset? I guess time will tell

And the award for WORST break ever goes to...

This christmas break has officially been the most disappointing, boring, shitty, dramatic break I've ever experienced! I was so looking forward to hanging out with my family for those 2 weeks before christmas, then afterwards chillin with my best friends and girl. Everything I've wanted has turned to shit haha. Dare I say it...I'm excited to get back to school?....ehh...I cant bring myself to do it. I hate that school, going there makes me want to do grand and big things with my life...not because it is awesome, but because it sucks so bad.

Ray and I hung out a few days ago and talked about everything. The basis is that she is not talking to this guy anymore, but shes confused as to where this leaves us. Sigh. Ive been wondering if its even worth it at all? I cant tell if its my negative state of mind or if its reality, but it doesn't seem to look like it. I want nothing more than to make it work and bring it back to what it was before all this shit went down, but I mean, it is up to her to do it. I don't wanna waste time doing it if its gonna be all for nothing. Ughhhhhhhh...I wish I had the money and ability to travel to everywhere I want to go. Instead of being cooped up in my house right now for the last 3 days, I'd be in New York City or Pittsburgh or LA or San Diego doing...well, everything and anything. I finished a song today for my side project that has yet to be named. Thats about the only good thing thats happened. Smeh