What a shitty last 3 days or so. I've found out Ray kissed some guy on her cruise. WHAT?! My Ray?! Never even dreamt something like that from her. Heres the story.
She came home saturday, and her facebook status mentioned she wished she could have 7 more days on her cruise and she has much love for "sleepless nights with a heartbreakingly adorable boy" for company...Anyways, she texts me and mentions nothing about it. We text for 5 minutes maybe. A few hours later I text her and flat out ask whats up with the status and if I'm being played. She responds back a few hours later saying no richie youre not being played, I know youre full of questions and I promise well talk about it but right now I just can't talk. I say whatever I trust you. She says thanks and she promises well talk about it soon. So begins Sunday. Nothing from her yet. Abby (one of my best friends and the one who introduced me to Ray) and I are wondering whats up. She tells Abby, not me, I ask Abby what happened, she doesn't tell me and insists I wait for Ray to explain, which is fine....except Ray is giving me dumb excuses as to why she we haven't talked yet. Last night she texted me and was told me to "stop overthinking too much for me please. I promise we will talk I am in the midst of opening presents right now so I literally cant talk." I'm like thats fine, but I need an explanation soon, it is not fair to me to keep me waiting for an answer. She says I know Im sorry blah blah next time I'm free we will talk. So its today, I've yet to get a text. I tricked Abby into telling me very basic details of what happened, which was that her and this guy kissed....FUCK! So right now I am feeling a mixture of anger, confusion, annoyed, etc etc. I HATE being lied to and feeling like I'm being used and that is exactly how I feel now. It is just so out of character for her to do something like that (or so I thought), which is why I'm more shocked than anything. I am anxiously waiting her explanation and reasoning for such a retarded thing to do. I know shes putting it off for these reasons
1. She is scared of my reaction to it. She HATES being open and confrontation. And I am her comfort zone and best friend here, so if I react badly, she loses a major support system.
2. She is actually spending time with people she hasn't seen in months back at her real home.
So now I have a dilemma. What to do next? As of now, its 50/50. I trusted her a lot and she just completely obliterated it and blindsided me with that shit. I feel as if the last 2 months have been a complete lie and all the stuff she told me before she left about how much she missed me and how she couldnt wait to see me again and blah blah blah. I also feel shes slightly retarded for posting something like that on her FB status for the whole world including ME and MY FRIENDS to read. But I know myself all too well, and how nice and easily forgiving I am and how I believe in the good in everyone and second chances for certain things. Once I hear her explanation and see if shes sincerely sorry then I will make up my mind. I like the girl a lot, but I am very hurt she would do that to me after everything I've done for her. Sigh...I just don't understand cheaters. At all. I wish I could talk to someone who has been in this situation before to see how they feel about it. I suppose I will continue to await an explanation whenever she grows the courage to face the problem. Blah.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Christmas Eve Eve
Today was a good day! It consisted of me writing music for this song called The Escape, it is very AVA inspired and sounding, taking full advantage of my mothers baking spree of christmas desserts, and AVA releasing Hallucinations today instead of tomorrow! It is a grower but I've listened to it about 10-13 times so I am now in love with it. I still really wish Rachel was here though. I suppose I'll explain everything with her now since it'll kill a good 10-15 minutes and get me ready to sleep.
Ok...so all throughout high school I was really good friends with a girl named Kaitlin, though I was in love with her the entire time. I had other random flings with girls, but she was always my #1 if I had to pick who I wanted most. We never dated, never kissed, never held hands...hell, we never even admitted our feelings to each other. I think it was probably the cliche "I want what I cannot have" thing that made me so attracted to her. But anyways, we had this thing in our relationship that no one understood but us. I can't explain it..it was just a thing. It was like there was always that one hope that we would someday date or the feelings would be mutual or whatever. Senior year we went to all the dances, hung out a lot, etc. Fast forward...were already graduated, and going to the grad parties. She and I went to one one of them, and later that night, we had been talking, and one thing led to another and she basically told me she only thought of me as a friend and always did, which was total BS. Her grad party was 3 days later, I was devastated but still went. A week or 2 later she started dating this guy shes still with today. So all summer was spent being angry with her and whatever (though I had a very nice summer besides all that.) So college starts. About 2 weeks in, I am going nuts with the lack of having a love interest, which is probably a bad thing. I always need to have a girl to flirt with or talk with or whatever. One of my best friend's has a girlfriend who is a senior in high school still. Wed become good friends over summer and I told her, I was like "Abs listen, I need you to find me a girl, I am going nuts." A week later, she texts me and gives me a description of this girl: her name is Rachel, she moved from LA about a month ago (August), shes brunette....SCORE! A few weeks later I meet her. We hang out a few more times. She asks me to homecoming...I had to go back to my high schools homecoming (blah!) but the night ended up turning out really well. Now we hang out constantly, weve admitted we like each other, blah blah blah the whole shebang. We are not "officially" boyfriend/girlfriend per say, but I will just come out and say it...we are dating haha. We have yet to kiss though! Shes one of those people who shuns the thought of getting close to someone at first, and she was very hesistant to, but I am way too stubborn and persistent. Now she is doing really well and is really comfortable with everything, but she has told me before she wants to take things very slow, which I am fine with, and I'm hoping when she returns on the 30th, I get the kiss on New Years Eve....maybe? We will see. I hope so because I really like the girl.
Holy fuck that is A LOT of nonsense rambling about nothing. Smeh, whatever, I like to keep journals of things going on in my life to look back on, I find it interesting how much life changes with time. Anyways, I am done. Christmas Eve tomorrow! Woohoo!
Ok...so all throughout high school I was really good friends with a girl named Kaitlin, though I was in love with her the entire time. I had other random flings with girls, but she was always my #1 if I had to pick who I wanted most. We never dated, never kissed, never held hands...hell, we never even admitted our feelings to each other. I think it was probably the cliche "I want what I cannot have" thing that made me so attracted to her. But anyways, we had this thing in our relationship that no one understood but us. I can't explain it..it was just a thing. It was like there was always that one hope that we would someday date or the feelings would be mutual or whatever. Senior year we went to all the dances, hung out a lot, etc. Fast forward...were already graduated, and going to the grad parties. She and I went to one one of them, and later that night, we had been talking, and one thing led to another and she basically told me she only thought of me as a friend and always did, which was total BS. Her grad party was 3 days later, I was devastated but still went. A week or 2 later she started dating this guy shes still with today. So all summer was spent being angry with her and whatever (though I had a very nice summer besides all that.) So college starts. About 2 weeks in, I am going nuts with the lack of having a love interest, which is probably a bad thing. I always need to have a girl to flirt with or talk with or whatever. One of my best friend's has a girlfriend who is a senior in high school still. Wed become good friends over summer and I told her, I was like "Abs listen, I need you to find me a girl, I am going nuts." A week later, she texts me and gives me a description of this girl: her name is Rachel, she moved from LA about a month ago (August), shes brunette....SCORE! A few weeks later I meet her. We hang out a few more times. She asks me to homecoming...I had to go back to my high schools homecoming (blah!) but the night ended up turning out really well. Now we hang out constantly, weve admitted we like each other, blah blah blah the whole shebang. We are not "officially" boyfriend/girlfriend per say, but I will just come out and say it...we are dating haha. We have yet to kiss though! Shes one of those people who shuns the thought of getting close to someone at first, and she was very hesistant to, but I am way too stubborn and persistent. Now she is doing really well and is really comfortable with everything, but she has told me before she wants to take things very slow, which I am fine with, and I'm hoping when she returns on the 30th, I get the kiss on New Years Eve....maybe? We will see. I hope so because I really like the girl.
Holy fuck that is A LOT of nonsense rambling about nothing. Smeh, whatever, I like to keep journals of things going on in my life to look back on, I find it interesting how much life changes with time. Anyways, I am done. Christmas Eve tomorrow! Woohoo!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My first blog...cool?
This is my first entry...I dunno if I'm supposed to feel excited, cus I am not. I figure I might as well have another ridiculous way of showing the whole world who I am, as if myspace, twitter, and facebook weren't enough. Hmm what is going on in my life right now.
1. I am on christmas break for an entire month! That is truly a lovely feeling.
2. I currently miss a girl whom has been on a cruise around Mexico and various other islands since the 18th and will be till the 30th. She has no service while on this boat, so I have not spoken to her since about 2:30 on Saturday, and won't be able to till this Saturday. She is not my girlfriend "officially", but we basically are dating. I'm sure there will be plenty of stuff on her in the blogs to come.
3. I am watching Home Alone for the billionth time on FX with my brother, and had my christmas spirit ruined by watching Paranormal Activity for the first time last night. Holy hell that movie was creepy towards the end.
Good news! I just found out Angels And Airwaves is releasing their new song Hallucinations Christmas Eve at 3 oclock in the afternoon! FINALLY some new music. Anything related to Tom, Mark, and Travis is automatically at the tops of my list.
Tomorrows to do list: Go to Nicks to write some music for my band, miss Rachel, watch more christmas movies, and now I have to write a blog! Hectic, hectic day.
1. I am on christmas break for an entire month! That is truly a lovely feeling.
2. I currently miss a girl whom has been on a cruise around Mexico and various other islands since the 18th and will be till the 30th. She has no service while on this boat, so I have not spoken to her since about 2:30 on Saturday, and won't be able to till this Saturday. She is not my girlfriend "officially", but we basically are dating. I'm sure there will be plenty of stuff on her in the blogs to come.
3. I am watching Home Alone for the billionth time on FX with my brother, and had my christmas spirit ruined by watching Paranormal Activity for the first time last night. Holy hell that movie was creepy towards the end.
Good news! I just found out Angels And Airwaves is releasing their new song Hallucinations Christmas Eve at 3 oclock in the afternoon! FINALLY some new music. Anything related to Tom, Mark, and Travis is automatically at the tops of my list.
Tomorrows to do list: Go to Nicks to write some music for my band, miss Rachel, watch more christmas movies, and now I have to write a blog! Hectic, hectic day.
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