Christmas Eve Eve

Today was a good day! It consisted of me writing music for this song called The Escape, it is very AVA inspired and sounding, taking full advantage of my mothers baking spree of christmas desserts, and AVA releasing Hallucinations today instead of tomorrow! It is a grower but I've listened to it about 10-13 times so I am now in love with it. I still really wish Rachel was here though. I suppose I'll explain everything with her now since it'll kill a good 10-15 minutes and get me ready to sleep.

Ok...so all throughout high school I was really good friends with a girl named Kaitlin, though I was in love with her the entire time. I had other random flings with girls, but she was always my #1 if I had to pick who I wanted most. We never dated, never kissed, never held hands...hell, we never even admitted our feelings to each other. I think it was probably the cliche "I want what I cannot have" thing that made me so attracted to her. But anyways, we had this thing in our relationship that no one understood but us. I can't explain it..it was just a thing. It was like there was always that one hope that we would someday date or the feelings would be mutual or whatever. Senior year we went to all the dances, hung out a lot, etc. Fast forward...were already graduated, and going to the grad parties. She and I went to one one of them, and later that night, we had been talking, and one thing led to another and she basically told me she only thought of me as a friend and always did, which was total BS. Her grad party was 3 days later, I was devastated but still went. A week or 2 later she started dating this guy shes still with today. So all summer was spent being angry with her and whatever (though I had a very nice summer besides all that.) So college starts. About 2 weeks in, I am going nuts with the lack of having a love interest, which is probably a bad thing. I always need to have a girl to flirt with or talk with or whatever. One of my best friend's has a girlfriend who is a senior in high school still. Wed become good friends over summer and I told her, I was like "Abs listen, I need you to find me a girl, I am going nuts." A week later, she texts me and gives me a description of this girl: her name is Rachel, she moved from LA about a month ago (August), shes brunette....SCORE! A few weeks later I meet her. We hang out a few more times. She asks me to homecoming...I had to go back to my high schools homecoming (blah!) but the night ended up turning out really well. Now we hang out constantly, weve admitted we like each other, blah blah blah the whole shebang. We are not "officially" boyfriend/girlfriend per say, but I will just come out and say it...we are dating haha. We have yet to kiss though! Shes one of those people who shuns the thought of getting close to someone at first, and she was very hesistant to, but I am way too stubborn and persistent. Now she is doing really well and is really comfortable with everything, but she has told me before she wants to take things very slow, which I am fine with, and I'm hoping when she returns on the 30th, I get the kiss on New Years Eve....maybe? We will see. I hope so because I really like the girl.

Holy fuck that is A LOT of nonsense rambling about nothing. Smeh, whatever, I like to keep journals of things going on in my life to look back on, I find it interesting how much life changes with time. Anyways, I am done. Christmas Eve tomorrow! Woohoo!