Ugh...

What a shitty last 3 days or so. I've found out Ray kissed some guy on her cruise. WHAT?! My Ray?! Never even dreamt something like that from her. Heres the story.

She came home saturday, and her facebook status mentioned she wished she could have 7 more days on her cruise and she has much love for "sleepless nights with a heartbreakingly adorable boy" for company...Anyways, she texts me and mentions nothing about it. We text for 5 minutes maybe. A few hours later I text her and flat out ask whats up with the status and if I'm being played. She responds back a few hours later saying no richie youre not being played, I know youre full of questions and I promise well talk about it but right now I just can't talk. I say whatever I trust you. She says thanks and she promises well talk about it soon. So begins Sunday. Nothing from her yet. Abby (one of my best friends and the one who introduced me to Ray) and I are wondering whats up. She tells Abby, not me, I ask Abby what happened, she doesn't tell me and insists I wait for Ray to explain, which is fine....except Ray is giving me dumb excuses as to why she we haven't talked yet. Last night she texted me and was told me to "stop overthinking too much for me please. I promise we will talk I am in the midst of opening presents right now so I literally cant talk." I'm like thats fine, but I need an explanation soon, it is not fair to me to keep me waiting for an answer. She says I know Im sorry blah blah next time I'm free we will talk. So its today, I've yet to get a text. I tricked Abby into telling me very basic details of what happened, which was that her and this guy kissed....FUCK! So right now I am feeling a mixture of anger, confusion, annoyed, etc etc. I HATE being lied to and feeling like I'm being used and that is exactly how I feel now. It is just so out of character for her to do something like that (or so I thought), which is why I'm more shocked than anything. I am anxiously waiting her explanation and reasoning for such a retarded thing to do. I know shes putting it off for these reasons

1. She is scared of my reaction to it. She HATES being open and confrontation. And I am her comfort zone and best friend here, so if I react badly, she loses a major support system.
2. She is actually spending time with people she hasn't seen in months back at her real home.

So now I have a dilemma. What to do next? As of now, its 50/50. I trusted her a lot and she just completely obliterated it and blindsided me with that shit. I feel as if the last 2 months have been a complete lie and all the stuff she told me before she left about how much she missed me and how she couldnt wait to see me again and blah blah blah. I also feel shes slightly retarded for posting something like that on her FB status for the whole world including ME and MY FRIENDS to read. But I know myself all too well, and how nice and easily forgiving I am and how I believe in the good in everyone and second chances for certain things. Once I hear her explanation and see if shes sincerely sorry then I will make up my mind. I like the girl a lot, but I am very hurt she would do that to me after everything I've done for her. Sigh...I just don't understand cheaters. At all. I wish I could talk to someone who has been in this situation before to see how they feel about it. I suppose I will continue to await an explanation whenever she grows the courage to face the problem. Blah.